Want Marriage Help – Use Real Communication

Updated August 2020


The importance of communication


In any successful relationship, kind and respectful communication is an important key ingredient.


When you are in a relationship where you don’t feel that you can honestly communicate with your partner you might want to think about getting outside expert help.


When you gain assistance in two-way communication, you will feel heard and respected. That can lead to you both finally feeling understood or at least that a strong effort is being made to understand kindly and respectfully.


It is challenging to really listen to opinions with which we disagree.


Often our first response it to try convincing them we are right instead.


At times we all find it difficult to accept other ways of believing or thinking about issues. When the topic becomes too hot to handle, that is a great time to take a time out to de-stress. Later on there may be an opportunity to re-visit the topic.


That later opportunity will not be to convince the other of the rightness of your way of thinking, but just to understand the events or conditions that brought about that way of thinking.


If both people commit to understanding and accepting another’s opinion without agreeing to it, that normally works well for both persons. I call it Live and let live!  Naturally, I am assuming this is not on a moral issue that affects their relationship.


You have to be able to talk with each other, and do it honestly or the relationship will begin to dwindle fast.


When you communicate with one another it is very important that you respect the other person’s point of view even when you do not agree at all with the other’s opinion.


Agreeing to disagree – but agreeably is challenging


Learning to agree to disagree kindly and respectfully is vital but not always easy. When you keep in mind that you both have different histories and personalities, it is actually really impossible that you would have the same exact opinion as each other.


You can always agree to disagree in any situation because two people are not always going to have the same opinion in every situation.  Being respectful lets your partner know that you value their opinion even though you aren’t always on the same side of the fence.


No name-calling allowed – Note facts, opinions, and feelings


Always be upfront and state the facts as you know them.  If you are having an argument with your partner, don’t resort to calling them names or blaming them for everything that has gone wrong.  It takes two people for an argument to occur, but it also will take both of you to see that the argument gets resolved.


In some cases, you might be the person who has to say, “I’m sorry.”  When that occurs say it sincerely and really mean it when you say it.  Don’t just throw it out there to try to make things go away, say it because you really do want them to know you are sorry.


Set aside a time to talk when rested and relaxed if possible


Make your relationship the priority when a conflict arises and set a time to talk about the issue at hand.  When you set that time aside you are saying to each other that whatever is going on is important enough that it can harm your relationship if it isn’t addressed.  Take the time to address it.


Listening to understand not to prove your point


When you set that time aside and sit down to talk, take turns in talking over the situation.  Don’t interrupt your partner when they are talking and don’t try to out talk them.


You will have your turn to speak.  When they are talking, really listen to what they are saying.  Repeat what they are saying at different intervals so they know you are really listening to everything they have to say.


Stop at two to three sentences each and reflect back


When you are talking, ask your partner at different intervals if they understand what you are saying.  This allows you to know that they are listening to you and that what you have to say is important.


Give the situation your full attention.  Don’t be looking back and forth to the television, or your phone.  Make sure that your partner has your complete attention and come to a resolution together.


Communication is the key to any successful relationship and finding a balance where you can work together to talk things out will be one of the most important things you can do for your relationship.


If you do not set aside connection times and clarifying times, your relationship will begin to gradually deteriorate. There are likely several issues that will never be resolved between you and that is okay as you are two very human beings!


Wishing you all the best on Your Marriage Journey!


Related Articles:

How to Have a Happy Marriage

Marriage Help: Commitment





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