Updated February 23, 2021
No matter how distressed you feel about your marriage at the moment, please believe me when I say from years of experience, there is still hope. You can fix your relationship and create a marriage that makes you and your spouse happier if you commit to addressing your marriage problems. Here is how you can start making changes.
What Needs To Change?
Ask yourself what needs to change for your marriage to be more enjoyable for you both and encourage your spouse to do the same. You might need to make a few changes to create a relationship where you both feel loved and nurtured.
Learning to make compromises to please one another can making living together more comfortable even though you have different views on various things. After all, you are two different individuals so, of course, you should have ideas of your own. If you don’t, it usually means one of you is not sharing your true thoughts.
Work On Yourself
You might feel that your spouse is the one who should be blamed for your marriage problems. This attitude won’t get you anywhere. You can fix your marriage by working on yourself and becoming the best spouse you can be. Ideally, your spouse will do the same. Don’t give up and keep working on yourself even if you don’t see your spouse making the same efforts.
You and your spouse are probably experiencing anger and resentment if your marriage is in trouble. Avoid negativity as much as possible because it won’t help you fix your problems. You need to talk about these emotions in a civilized manner, apologize and forgive each other if needed and find ways to move past your resentment and anger.
If you are unable to do this on your own, without big fights, name calling or silent treatments, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. You will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly you can resolve issues if you both are willing to get another perspective by having help from someone outside your relationship.
A caution, however, is to seek professional help from what I call a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist with a good record of success. Not all help is equal. (If you prefer online or phone help, please see the top of my website and click 1 Minute Relationship/Marriage Quiz and video.
Learn to Listen Beyond Just the Words and Make Compromises
It is never too late to learn to communicate and make compromises. Your marriage might be in trouble because these skills have been lacking in your relationship. Make an effort to listen to each other and to open up about how you feel. Set some time aside so you can talk about your problems and spend the most energy on work finding solutions together.
Create A Stronger Relationship
Talk about your marriage with your spouse to better understand what they expect or wish for from the relationship. You can create a stronger relationship by finding new activities you can share, by laughing together and by finding some new common goals.
Let your spouse know how they can meet your emotional needs. Being kind to each other, taking care of each other and making a conscious effort to pay attention to your spouse will help you create a stronger marriage.
How often are you taking time to date one another? When I’m working with couples, I encourage them to take turns planning the dates to keep them interesting. Weekly is best, but every other week is better than what is happening now, I would guess.
Addressing your problems is something you will have to go through if you want to save your marriage. It is possible to work on your issues with your spouse if they are willing to cooperate and want to save the marriage too.
If you are having a hard time talking about your issues or are not sure what you can do to move past your negative emotions, think about getting help from a marriage counselor, coach, or therapist. This is a good way to acquire the skills you need to communicate and to resolve the conflicts that are jeopardizing your marriage.
Take action now because the sooner you do, the sooner you will begin to experience your new loving and enjoyable marriage.