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Please do not follow the temptation to give up on your marriage!  You and your spouse might have already talked about divorce or you might feel that nothing can be done. Nothing could be further from the truth! Your marriage is worth saving and you can fix things no matter how bad the situation seems.

Acknowledge Your Mistakes

Ask yourself what you could have done differently to prevent your marriage from deteriorating. Acknowledge what you did wrong and reach out to your spouse so you can apologize to them. Don’t simply say that you are sorry. Mention specific things you wished you had done differently to show that you have been thinking about your marriage and how to salvage it.

Determine How To Save Your Marriage

The things you will have to do to fix your marriage depend on what went wrong. If there was an affair or another event that left hurt feelings on both sides, it may be best to spend a very short time apart to cool down.

During that time, it is urgent that you find a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist for your marriage. With that outside person’s assistance, you will need to address the problems and events that lead to the marriage crisis and determine the best way to resolve these issues.

Work With Your Spouse

Your spouse might not be willing to give the marriage a second chance. Give some time and some space if they ask for it, but look for ways to demonstrate by your actions that you are serious about saving your marriage.

Sometimes it helps to recall the good times you had, thinking about your children and talking about the goals you achieved together. However, at times that hurt spouse only remembers the pain and doesn’t connect with good memories.

If that is the case, do not try to sales talk them into quickly reconciling. Instead be very patient and loving. Your actions, rather than words, will be most convincing. When you are seeking help and starting work on fixing things yourself, eventually your spouse may be curious and join in. 

As a marriage coach, I have seen that happen many, many times. When one

spouse changes, the other almost automatically has to change how they react.

Make Compromises

Apologizing to your spouse is a good start if you have hurt them. You should also show them that you are ready to make compromises and that you want to build a relationship that will make the two of you happier.

If your spouse is open to it, you can ask him or her to help you understand why the marriage was not working for them, if you do not know.  It is helpful if they are willing to list their needs and expectations for the relationship if it were to work in the future. Show them that you are willing to change and to become the kind of spouse with whom they could build a happier marriage.

Be Patient

If this is about an affair or another event that damaged your marriage, will take a lot of time and rebuilding trust. You need to be patient and to keep working on things, even if you feel that you are not making progress.

If your spouse is willing, it can be helpful in time to talk about how you can both move ahead.  At first, the betrayed spouse will feel so devastated that they may be unwilling to talk at all.

If you are the spouse who strayed, you will need to take several specific actions that demonstrate your deep regret as well as ways you will prove your sincerity about rebuilding trust.


In time, hopefully you will be able to learn specific efforts you can take that are   reassuring to the betrayed spouse you are now determined to reinvest in your marriage.


Take breaks from the pain by spending time with hobbies and safe friends and hopefully eventually spending time doing something fun with your spouse.


Usually, before an affair ever occurs, the couple is no longer spending quality time together or being close and connected. They often have lost the closeness they had early on.


If there is not an affair involved, it is usually much easier to rebuild your connection.  It is possible to repair and rebuild your relationship with one another without counseling, coaching or therapy. However, you will find it goes much faster with outside experienced help.


How to save your marriage depends on which issues you need to address. Take action now, look for solutions, and reach out to your spouse to convince them of your sincerity to help you fix the things that have gone wrong between you.

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