Is My Marriage Worth Saving and How Do I Safeguard It?

married couple

Still on the fence about whether or not your marriage is worth saving? Has your marriage drifted apart?

I’m so glad you are not making a rash decision following lots of anger and frustration about the many difficulties in your marriage right now. It is so easy to keep wondering if fighting to save it is worthwhile.

What My experience with hundreds of couples with marriages has taught me

Divorces could be avoided if couples just knew how to get back to those special warm loving fun times they used to have when they were younger and more idealistic.

Please don’t allow your frustrations with one another become a deal breaker for you. Let me assure you that hundreds of couples I personally have worked with have found the marriage isn’t something you give up on easily without fighting to save it!

Yes, I do accept that certainly there are times when there doesn’t appear to bea viable alternative. I’m referring to conditions such as abuse of all types, addictions that are not being managed, criminal activities, serious mental health conditions or infidelity.

It seems that when couples don’t find quick fixes or no longer have the same feelings of being in love, they jump to the conclusion that divorce is their only alternative. It is so normal to have dozens of feelings through the day. Don’t allow your feelings to be the barometer of whether your marriage is worth saving.

I remind couples often that if they have children, they are stuck together for the rest of their lives

So why not make the relatively small effort to begin to communicate and act in positive ways right now and see how things can improve. Even if each one treats the other like they would treat a customer or co-worker or supervisor, the atmosphere will start to improve.

What I mean is that for the sake of your children you will want to find ways not to ruin those special times for your children. When there are future celebrations of all kinds like birthdays and holidays, recitals, sports affairs, graduations and weddings and grandbabies they will be able to enjoy them.

Common Suggestions and Questions

First, why not just start an experiment. Find a way to be civil or better yet as cordial as you would be to another guest, customer, co-worker or supervisor.

Remember how you used to take lots of time to be together and actually listen to each other as well as showing appreciation and caring and doing kind things for one another.

At the same time take an honest look at whether you are any fun to live with. As you each look at your own part, you may come to the realization that neither of you has been doing a good job of nurturing your marriage. Through simple neglect, you have grown distant and not kind or close to one another.

Is your marriage worth saving is a question that deserves a lot of thought and effort before making such a life-altering decision? It is a total fantasy that starting over with a new partner is going to solve your relationship issues. If you begin to treat your present spouse like you would try to impress someone new in the future, you will be amazed at the results.

It is a fantasy that the grass is always greener. Some people keep chasing for those euphoric feelings and time after time, those feelings diminish after the newness wears off.  However, you can create again some of those wonderful feelings by the way you treat each other. Just taking time for yourselves to have fun and actually connect and be there for each other, will begin to restore what brought you together in the first place.

Work with a  counselor who specializes in helping couples.

My recommendation is to find a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist. Check on whether the person you choose has a good success rate or not. By the way, I also work with couples online and on the phone if you don’t have someone local that can meet your needs. In addition, I have a couple of courses and books that can get you started on the right track.

Believe it or not, someone outside of your couple relationship can help you deal with the current problems in ways that you are unable to do by yourself. That is due to the fact that you are both too close to your own situation and perhaps too emotional to view it realistically. That specialist can help you get to a better place if you will do your part.

I’ve seen couples that begin to implement some new actions and attitudes toward one another, start moving toward more warmth as early as two weeks! That keeps me going on my journey for these miraculous turnarounds in hundreds of couples lives!

Have you heard about the research project completed by the Institute for American Values? This research was done five years after many couples who were having  problems decided to stay together instead of divorcing.

Those findings were so encouraging. When surveyed about their happiness in the relationship five years after they had planned to divorce, about 80% reported they were happy together and glad they did not divorce. A percentage of that 80% reported being very happy in their marriage.

If your spouse is talking about divorce or if you are considering a separation, please take some time and think over the following: Is the marriage worth saving?

 The Answer Is Yes Almost all marriages are worth saving. You have spent years together, shared many experiences and maybe had children together. Things might seem bleak at the moment and you might not think that you can ever be happy again with your spouse. However, your marriage is worth saving and you can rebuild things if this is what you set your mind to do.


Marriage isn’t easy, but it is worth fighting for

The real question is not ‘Is the marriage worth saving?’ but Do you have what it takes to begin saving your marriage? This is something that requires effort on your part. You will never have a good relationship unless you make efforts on a daily basis.

Saving your bonded relationship requires time and effort. Anything important requires the same. You and your spouse may need to learn again how to best talk and listen to each other. You may also need to figure out why your relationship is no longer enjoyable.

At the same time detecting what needs to be done so that both spouses find happiness and contentment in the marriage. Additionally, you will need to examine how you have slipped into some negative habits and make honest efforts to become a better and happier person so you can both bring more to the marriage. These are signs your relationship needs professional help.

Why Should You Stay Together?

When you take some time for yourself and encourage your spouse to do the same, you may be reminded of the many wonderful traits of one other that you enjoyed in the past.

As you focus on those things it will remind you of the reasons to stay together. Your children should be an important reason, but you should also try to think about everything the marriage has brought you over the years.

Are You Willing to Try? Fighting to save your marriage takes time and effort. Ask yourself if you are really willing to make the effort to work on your marriage and on yourself. You cannot expect to be successful and to rebuild your marriage if you are not fully committed to making things better. It helps also if your spouse is committed to trying.

However, keep in mind it is a myth that both people have to go for help for it to make any difference.

At times, after getting into a massive argument with your spouse or hearing that they want a divorce, it can be helpful to take some time out to calm down before resuming your conversation.

Consider scheduling an appointment with a marriage friendly’ counselor, coach or with a therapist so you can practice some new and improved ways to really communicate with each other. Be sure to choose one with a high success rate and lots of experience.

It’s very likely you will be able to gain a clearer view of what is really happening between you. At the same time, having an outside experienced person assist you will gain help on ways to fix your marriage.

It is true that you could also seek help from friends if you know a couple who has gone through the same things or something similar.  However, it is important to use caution with this as others knowing your personal business can cause further problems, due to getting bad advice or taking sides, etc.

Learn to talk to your spouse again

Find a way to open up communication with your spouse. This can be difficult if your marriage has been suffering from a lack of communication or if there are some hurt feelings between you and your spouse.

It is important that you find a way to open up a dialogue with your spouse. Try meeting in a neutral place like a nice coffee shop or restaurant. Tell your spouse you would like to get a chance to make things right. Agree not to bring up some topics that would lead to a really ugly fight until you have had some time to work out your feelings.

Address personal issues.

It is very important that you have a talk with each other to determine if personal issues could be the root of your marital problems. One may be having emotional, mental health issues or addictions that are causing marital issues.

Do an honest evaluation of your Marriage

Do a in depth evaluation of your own piece of the problem and come up with different ways to deal with those issues by finding possible solutions. Be sure to skip the Blame Game as it never works and just causes further damage.

Each of you is responsible for your own actions and attitudes. Don’t use excuses like you made me do it because you did that. I would never have done this if you didn’t do that. Remember you are totally in charge of your responses. Accept your own personal responsibility for your own choices and actions.

It is so important that you each get the help needed for each of your own issues. Be sure to support one another while you each work on your own issues.

Do get the outside help and support you need for yourself. Believe that you are not the only one with these problems and outside help is available. You will find you are much more successful in a shorter amount of time if you use the resources available to you instead of insisting on trying to make changes in isolation.

Address your issues as a couple too.Every couple has issues. Make an effort to sit down with your spouse and identify what these issues are. If possible, look for the deeper issues that might not be obvious at first and ask yourself how these issues could be resolved.

The goal is to build a relationship where both spouses can be happy, fulfilled and satisfied. It is important that the relationship meets the needs of both spouses. Marriages usually fail because the relationship does not meet the needs of one spouse or both spouses.

Commit to doing things differently.Now that you have more tools, don’t allow a deal breaker to cause a crisis in your marriage. You both already know what a deal breaker would be for you both.

It is time now to take the actions needed. As you and your spouse have committed to making some changes, look for specific things you can do on a daily basis to slowly build the relationship that will make you and your spouse more fulfilled and your marriage more enjoyable.

If your spouse does not seem willing to work on things, show them that you are fully committed and start making some changes on your side to become a better spouse.

Do Whatever It Takes to Save Your Marriage

Hopefully, you are convinced that when you spend time together after you have drifted apart, it makes all the difference. When you invest in nurturing your marriage, it brings you closer together and feeling more loved. How good is that!

Be prepared to put your matrimony first and to do whatever it takes to save the marriage because it is worth saving. You will find ways to make compromises and put time and effort into your relationship.

Make sure you get some alone time to recharge and don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and relatives who have good marriages for support. Just be certain you do not share intimate details with those outside your marriage. If you do, often others take sides and get into your personal business and that causes more problems.

You can avoid getting a divorce if you take action and make some changes in your marriage. These marriage tips will help you get started but in addition please consider the following.

In addition, you will make progress faster if you get help from a professional. When your marriage problems have become very serious, often it is very difficult to work things out without an outside perspective.

The reason for this is that you are too close to your own situation to be objective. Also, without expert guidance, you may become too emotional to make the progress you want to make.

I strongly encourage you to find what I call a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist that has a great success record. When you are so close to your own problem it is hard to think of solutions. The professional has dealt with hundreds of couples and is full of many, many ideas to repair and rebuild your marriage.

When I work with couples, it is not at all uncommon to begin to see some changes as soon as two or three weeks!  That is what keeps me going!

If you cannot find someone locally, I also work online and by phone with clients when needed if you are interested. Additionally, I have courses and webinars available along with books that can assist you.

Why not check out the Free 1 Minute Relationship/Marriage Assessment at my website