How to Stop a Divorce – Do these 9 Simple Things

how to stop a divorce tipsWhat happened to us? Finding out that your spouse wants a divorce can be devastating. However, your marriage doesn’t have to end if you are ready to do whatever it takes to get your spouse back and to fix things.

There is plenty of advice on how to stop your divorce but the truth is that you have to figure out what you need to do to convince your spouse to agree to getting back together. At times it works wonders to date several times to help you both be more objective.

Even worse than finding your spouse isn’t happy in the marriage is receiving divorce or papers or feeling forced to file divorce papers because it can feel so very definitive. At that point, you might think that it is too late to change either your mind or your spouse’s mind. But, the good news is that it is possible to stop the divorce process even after you or your spouse has filed for a divorce.

Stopping a divorce is easier if you take action quickly after filing. You might feel distraught if your spouse filed for divorce or might feel that it is too late to turn back if you were the one who requested the divorce. But, again you can stop your divorce no matter how far along the procedure you are.

Talk to Your Spouse but in a kind respectful, non-pushy manner

First though, it is crucial that you talk to your spouse and let them know you would like to fix things instead of getting divorced. Filing for divorce was probably something that you or your spouse did after going through a crisis in your marriage and you need to be able to address these issues and find a way to make things work.

You need to give your spouse some time if they want a separation. It will be easier to talk about your problems and to find a solution after you have spent at least a few days to a week apart.

Take Time to Make a List of Your Contributions to the Problems

During this time, it is important for you both to take this opportunity to reflect on what happened and to make a list of the things you could have done differently over the years.

This did not occur suddenly, but over a period of time at least one of you decided there is no hope for your marriage to be satisfying or enjoyable. It is also important to do an honest evaluation if there are some mental health or addiction issues that are impacting your relationship. Mental health is really important here to consider.

Communicate More with Your Spouse

Fixing your marriage takes time but this is something you can do if you both agree to stopping the divorce process. It might be healthy to take a break and to spend a short time apart so you can both do some work on yourselves and take some time to think about how you can make your marriage work again.

You will not be able to save your marriage until you have a serious discussion with your spouse. It is best to wait a while before meeting and having this conversation so things do not turn into an argument. Encourage your spouse to open up and explain why they want to end things and why they have not been happy with the marriage.

 

how to stop a divorce

Acknowledge Their Feelings

You need to acknowledge everything your spouse says and recognize that their feelings are valid. Accept the fact that you have not been a perfect spouse over the years and apologize if you feel that you need to. For a happy successful marriage, it pays to consult with a couples therapist. Marriage counseling or even couples counseling requires work for both husband or wife. One party might be willing to change for the other. It is perfectly okay to be yourself and not change. A marriage can be saved and sometimes personal growth is all that is required.

Make an Action Plan

You need to have a detailed action plan to stop your divorce. Your plan might, for instance, include some things you need to do in order to help your spouse heal if you have hurt them, things you need to do to become a better person and steps you need to take to slowly start rebuilding your marriage.

 

Show Your Spouse You Are Serious

Talking about making things better is important but you need to show your spouse that you are really willing to make a consistent effort. Do something to show him or her that you care and that you are fully dedicated to becoming a better person and to making things work and even bring back your romantic relationship.

Start Taking Better Care of Yourself and Your Family

Who doesn’t want a happy successful marriage? Naturally, it is vital also that each of you check out your own need for self-care and stress management and not allow yourself to be constantly on edge.

Likely this will require each of you tuning into your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. When you keep running on empty, eventually bad things begin to happen relationally as well.

One way some families cut back on being on high alert constantly is to begin electronic free zones and enforced times to relax and chill out. This can make a huge difference in your individual lives as well as your family life.

Simplify Household Tasks

Sometimes as parents or as the adults, we try to do the impossible. For example, do the kids each know how to prepare foods and clear up the dishes, etc.

Can you think of ways to simplify meal preparation? Do you allow yourself to have takeout food a couple times during the work week, or freezer prepared meals, etc. so the evening meal isn’t such a rush or ordeal? Do you have someone do a thorough housecleaning at least monthly or every two weeks in addition to what the family does as a team.

If both parents are working, it can make a big difference if each person clears their dishes and either washes them or puts them in the dishwasher and wipes the table and sweeps the floor if needed?

It’s important that each person is responsible daily to pick up their own belongings from the common areas of the house. They are then taken either to their rooms or placed by the door where they will be taken to school or work. Obviously this makes a huge difference in the household being more pleasant for everyone.

Have you heard of the Saturday box? This can be a lifesaver and help your children increase their memories fantastically. At the end of the day, someone, Mom or Dad, goes through the house and anything left in the common areas of the home instead of where it belongs automatically goes into the Saturday box.

It is amazing how well it works. The Saturday box is out of sight (maybe in a locked area such as the car trunk or who knows. Only after all the Saturday chores are completed are the items retrieved from the Saturday box!  You will wonder why you didn’t do it sooner!!

Find a Way to Avoid Making the Same Old Mistakes

You can stop a divorce, get back together with your spouse and find yourself in the same situation again a few months down the road. Old habits die hard and you need to find a way to change your marriage for good. This means you will have to constantly work on communicating more and on avoiding the old pitfalls that caused your spouse to want to leave.

How to stop a divorce depends on why your spouse wants to end things? You need to listen very carefully to them so you can fully understand why they are unhappy and do everything you can to show them that you want to make things work. It is vital that you also think about going to get help from a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist who is an expert with lots of successful experience with couples.

There are very common mistakes that are made in a romantic relationship. Saving your marriage is very important to both parties. Avoid these common mistakes.

 

Final Note on Marriage Advice

When you are too close to the situation and, of course, very emotionally involved, it is very hard to have an objective view. That is the huge benefit of working with someone who brings the experience of working with hundreds of other couples in similar situations.

Stopping a divorce is easier if you take action quickly after filing. You might feel distraught if your spouse filed for divorce or might feel that it is too late to turn back if you were the one who requested the divorce. You can stop your divorce no matter how far along the procedure you are.

First though, it is crucial that you talk to your spouse and let them know you would like to fix things instead of getting divorced. Filing for divorce was probably something that you or your spouse did after going through a crisis in your marriage and you need to be able to address these issues and find a way to make things work.

Fixing your marriage takes time but this is something you can do if you both agree to stopping the divorce process. It might be healthy to take a break and to spend some time apart so you can both do some work on yourselves and take some time to think about how you can make your marriage work again.

It is important that you both figure out what was missing from the marriage or which issues caused you or your spouse to ask for a divorce. Get together after spending a short time apart so you can have a calm conversation about the marriage and about what needs to change. You need to put together an action plan you can follow to get back together and make things work this time.

Meeting with a marriage friendly coach, counselor or couple’s therapist is a good way to figure out why you encountered a marriage crisis. The meetings with your counselor or therapist will become a place where you can both safely discuss the issues you encountered in your marriage and learn how to communicate with your spouse in a healthy manner. Your counselor or therapist will also help you create an action plan you can follow to make things work.

If you are the one who filed for divorce, you need to go to the courthouse and ask for the process to be stopped. You might be able to fill out a form to stop your divorce online depending on the jurisdiction where you live. Once this form has been filed, you will receive an official document that says your divorce case is dismissed.

The courthouse will probably request your spouse’s consent to stop the divorce process. It is easier to stop your divorce after filing if you can go to the courthouse with your spouse and fill out the form together. If you are further along in the divorce process, you might have to attend a hearing together where you will be able to state under oath that you want to cancel the divorce. If you have any questions on how to stop a marriage, please don’t hesitate in contacting me.

After over 30 years of helping couples, my best marriage advice is: Do not give up on your marriage even if one of you already filed for divorce. If is never too late to fix your marriage if you’re willing to get help from outside yourselves from someone who is an expert in helping to save marriages.

Hope you will take a look at the 1 Minute Marriage/Relationship Assessment to get started on evaluating your situation. http://HowToDivorceProofYourMarriage.com  or write me now at WaverlyRelationshipCoach@gmail.com