How To Repair A Broken Marriage

how-to-repair-a-broken-marriage-imageA few years ago, almost one in two marriages ended up in a divorce in the U.S.

That statistic has lessened the last few years. Of course, one of the reasons for that is that many couples choose not to marry but instead live together without a commitment. The theory many people have is that they should try out for marriage instead.

The reality is that the statistics are dismal for those who marry after living together. It actually does end up helping the marriage to be more successful. Living together without commitment is not the same as being married. It is a temporary mind-set and apparently does not have the same set of values.
As most of you realize, thinking a new spouse will solve all the problems in your present marriage is usually a fantasy. Giving your marriage another chance is definitely worth it.
I always remind couples that if you have children together, you are stuck together for life anyway, so why not make the effort to work things out as you will be sharing these kids forever at holidays, birthdays, graduations, celebrations and probably even some grandkids in the future.
If nothing else, you will feel good that you have made honest efforts to repair your marriage. If your spouse doesn’t respond, you will know you did your best so will have fewer regrets.

Communication Is Key

Your marriage might be failing because of the constant arguments. You need to find a way to communicate about your issues and about the marriage. Take some time away from each other if you need to so that you can both gather your thoughts and talk about your issues in a manner that is not hurtful and negative.

Give Your Marriage Some Time To Heal

If one of the partners had an affair or if the marriage is falling apart due to a crisis of any kind, you are both going to need some time. It might be best to spend a very short time away from each other without communicating so that you can focus on healing and are ready to start working on repairing your marriage. Spending some time apart can give you the opportunity to think about why you want to save the marriage and make sure that this is what you want to do. I do want to share, however, that the statistics for repairing marriages following separations are pretty dismal. The last I read were in the 70 percentile.

Learn To Listen To Each Other And Make Compromises

You cannot repair a broken marriage if you decide to so without taking steps to prevent the same issues from arising in your marriage again. Listen to your partner and ask them to listen to you. You will have to find some compromises and some ways to rebuild the marriage so that you can share a life together without running into the same problems and conflicts.
Learning to compromise is a life skill that can be learned together. Sometimes an issue is more important to one of you than it is to the other. Some couples use numbers to help one another understand this concept. An example would be if the issue is a 9 or 10 to one of you and it is only a 1 or 2 to the other. It is a lot easier to compromise when it doesn’t matter that much. Every single issue can’t possibly always be a 10!

Some couples have a short honeymoon period and get back together without addressing the big issues. My experience is that unless there is a plan in place firmly with outside help often within two weeks they are back to the same problems they had earlier.

Do Some Work On Yourself

The personal flaws of one or both partners might be the reason behind the failure of the marriage. These are issues that you should be able to address in a non-judgmental way. You might have to do some work on yourself or to support your partner while they do some work on themselves before you can rebuild your marriage.

Focus On The Positive

Find some reasons why the marriage is worth fighting for. Repairing a broken marriage is going to take a toll on you and your spouse and you need to find a way to keep going when you want to give up. Thinking of the good times you shared together, making some plans for the future or spending some time as a family will help you focus on the positive aspects of your marriage.

Repairing a broken marriage is difficult and takes time but you can rebuild your marriage if you are ready to make changes in your actions and make some compromises. I really hope you will consider getting some help from a counselor so that you can communicate with your spouse in a more positive way and benefit from the insight of a third party. Be sure to find out before starting whether this person is marriage friendly or a very solution oriented counselor. This person can be the key to helping you identify your issues and find some solutions.