How To Fix A Marriage Without Counseling

You have probably been advised to see a counselor, coach or a therapist if you are currently working on fixing your marriage. Even though counseling can be beneficial, it is possible to reconnect with your spouse and to fix a marriage without counseling.

Learn To Communicate

If you went through a marriage crisis or you or your spouse became dissatisfied with your marriage, chances are you do not know how to communicate respectfully or well with your spouse. You need to create a safe environment where you can both express your feelings and listen to each other. This might not be easy if you have had a lot of fights with your spouse or simply never really opened up to him or her.  It will be very difficult to fix your marriage and make things work again until you learn to really respectfully and kindly communicate with your spouse.

Figure Out What Went Wrong

You might be able to identify some obvious issues, such as one of the spouses being inappropriate or fighting a lot or using the silent treatment on one another.  However, these issues are likely the symptoms of deeper problems. Reflecting on your marriage and trying to figure out why your marriage isn’t working out is very important. You or your spouse might also have some personal issues that are affecting the relationship or hindering your  fulfillment in the marriage.

Figure Out What You Can Do To Fix Things

Please find concrete things you can do to fix the marriage and build a new relationship with your spouse. This might include finding new activities you can share as a family, scheduling some time to sit down and talk with your spouse so you can feel more connected or working on some common goals. Keep the big picture in mind but remember that even small gestures and simple words can make a difference and help you rebuild your relationship.

Many people find that they are way too close to their own situation to be objective. Having input from others in marriage classes or retreats or hearing about the experiences of other couples with strong marriages can help.

Be Patient

Rebuilding a marriage after a crisis takes time. It might take time for you or your spouse to forgive the other and you might actually benefit from giving each other some space and dating one another again while you are rebuilding! This rebuilding process will take time and you might feel that you are not making any progress or that you are going back to your old unhealthy habits and patterns. Do not give up even if you feel that things are not progressing like you would like them to be. Regardless of what happens, it is important to stay connected to your spouse and to talk about everything you go through.

You can fix a marriage without counseling as long as you are willing to learn additional skills from other sources.  No one comes into a marriage with all the skills and knowledge needed to get it all together immediately.  Part of this learning may involve learning how you can really have a discussion about your marriage without fighting. Going through this together will make your marriage stronger and provide you with the tools you will need to prevent another crisis in the future and to build a healthy relationship.

Just remember not to hesitate seeking professional help from a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist with a great success record if needed.  Normally, you will make progress in your relationship much more quickly with outside help.

Take a look at my best seller How to Divorce-Proof Your Marriage: Stop Marriage Pain, Start Recording. Also you may want to look at the 1 Minute Marriage/Relationship Quiz also.

See both on my website:   Questions: please email me at