How To Fix A Marriage and Build A Better Relationship

Is your marriage in trouble? Acknowledging issues as early as possible will put you on the right track to fix your marriage. You and your spouse can grow together through this experience and actually build a better relationship by acknowledging your problems and finding solutions.

Make Your Marriage A Priority

Both building and fixing a marriage requires an investment of effort and time. You and your spouse need to feel like you are one another’s top priorities. This might mean that you need to put your other goals aside for a while. Spending time with your spouse and taking time for fun again is very important.

However, at the point of serious problems, you may need to take time to talk over your marital problems first until you can again enjoy your relationship.

Some couples are able to do this by themselves with the help of books, courses or retreats. Many, however, find they are too close to their problems.  Fortunately, an outside perspective from a marriage friendly successful coach, counselor or therapist can make all the difference.

Identify Your Problems

What went wrong with your marriage? A specific event such as an affair or a major argument might have led to you and your spouse temporarily separating.

The good things between you might have simply fizzled out after years of not communicating with your spouse. Try identifying the issues that led to the marriage crisis you are currently going through.

Fix Your Marriage With Humor And Communication

Regardless of what you are going through with your spouse, do your best to keep a sense of humor and to remain friends.

If you and your spouse never truly developed a friendship over the years, it is time to start making the effort to do so if possible. By adopting a kind attitude and communicating openly about your issues, this could help you progress and find a solution.

Perhaps you both could try pretending you are guests who have come to visit. I always find it amazing how couples can be so rude and mean to one another until the phone rings and instantly the voice becomes warm and friendly.

I challenge you to try this as an experiment. It is very worthwhile as a demonstration to yourself that you alone have power over your attitudes.

Learn To Fight Fair

Talking about your marital problems can be difficult. It is normal to argue but there is a right and a wrong way to argue with your spouse. You should address your problems as calmly as possible and look for a solution together instead of blaming each other or raising voices or calling names.

Work on creating a space where you can both express yourselves without feeling threatened. Don’t hesitate to take a break from talking about your problems if things turn into an argument.

I personally often help the couples I work with both in my local office and online in my video webinars and conversations, to practice using the time-out sign with their hands while saying I need to give myself a time-out to calm down. I will come back later so we can set another time to talk when more calm. (This can be used not to run away but when either is becoming too angry or emotional. The purpose is to prevent further damage to the relationship and to come to real solutions for the situation.)

This technique is based on an earlier conversation where both have agreed to experiment with this method. Either person can leave when they realize the conversation is not going anywhere positive. The one who leaves comes back within an hour or less to set a mutually agreeable time to talk again. That way the one who is tempted to follow and continue the argument can restrain the tendency to want to follow.

The person who chose to calm themselves by taking the time out has the responsibility to come back and set a mutually agreeable time to continue the conversation in a more respectful manner.

How To Fix A Marriage Depends On Who You Are As A Couple

You need to talk with your spouse and figure out what is going to work for you. Each couple is unique and what worked for another couple might not work for you.

You could start by resolving the issues that lead to the marriage crisis before moving on to building a better relationship. Some couples find they do their best communicating with one another when they are in a pleasant relaxing setting that is different than usual.

Couples often speak more respectfully and thoughtfully when they are purposefully setting aside time for one another. Perhaps a coffee shop or place with good memories where they have gone in the past would be helpful.

When you propose a talk with your spouse, the stated purpose is to learn what your spouse needs or expects from the marriage. Additionally, it is helpful to understand what a good relationship means for them.

With that understanding and information, you are both in a better place to put together an action plan that you can follow to create a relationship that will satisfy you both.

These tips on how to fix a marriage will help you and your spouse get over your issues and build a stronger relationship. Remember that fixing a marriage takes time and that it might be best to be apart for a while

Please don’t lose hope for your marriage as I have literally see hundreds of other’s marriages totally turn around to be even better than ever!

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