How To Fix A Broken Marriage And Avoid A Divorce

A broken marriage is a relationship where one or both of you have just given up. Your marriage can be broken as a result of years of not addressing your issues or might be the result of a hurtful event. Here are some practical and realistic ways you can begin your efforts. Saving your marriage will start by you taking some of these marriage tips to begin the process of fixing your marriage to avoid a divorce.



Wondering what happened to your marriage?

Is having a happy marriage important to you? I will be sharing ideas on new ways that will help you both feel more loved. Isn’t that we all really want? When you start out on your journey together, normally you know you are loved and feel you are on the top of each other’s list!

I’m guessing that the feelings between you now have changed as life became filled with a lot more responsibilities. You may now look back longingly to those days when you had so much more leisure time to spend in whatever way you wished. Actually, you set aside a lot of time to spend it together just enjoying one another and having fun.

Now when you want to save the marriage, if you are meeting with me, I might ask you when is the last time the two of you actually had a date just for fun. Many couples look at each other struggling to come up with anything as it has been so long.

What often happens is many adult responsibilities have taken over such as work, paying the bills, upkeep on the cars, the lawn, the house, doing daily tasks of food, laundry, and on and on, the nurturing of your marriage likely has been left in the dust. Needless to say, the workload has probably increased by several times when you have added children to your family.

As enjoyable as it is to watch them grow, receive those hugs and smiles at the end of the day, they need your nurturing and care too.

Somehow, you may believe the fantasy that your marriage will be fine or at least okay until some day when you have time again. In reality, however, nothing can really flourish without care. The plant in my office reminds me often that it needs care by the drooping leaves.

 Your children need to see how you value one another and you each need to feel valued and loved. Here are a few ways to begin doing this now. Every serious and educated parent knows nurturing is needed by the children this about their children, but as adults, you may think you don’t really need it that much.  However, everyone needs that to feel loved and valued. When that is no longer happening in your marriage, it begins to die.

How and where can you begin to save the broken marriage?

If you as an individual or you both as a couple have been living as roommates and have concerns about fixing your marriage, think about the following happy marriage tips.

At first, it may be awkward if things have been pretty cold or distant.

Fixing your marriage, however, is possible and having problems doesn’t mean you will end up divorcing. It makes a big difference if you are both committed to working out your issues and fixing your marriage. However, do not give up hope if you are the only one right now willing to put in the effort.

If you would like some marriage advice, I am here to bust the myth that both people have to go for help in order to go about saving your marriage. When you need outside help, don’t hesitate if you are a more motivated partner. It is often very difficult to solve the difficulties without outside help as you are too close to the problems to keep your perspective.

I have seen many times that the more motivated partner can help make yours a happy marriage again. As you begin to act differently, your partner almost automatically is likely to start responding to you differently. You can absolutely save the marriage by going for help by yourself.

Right now you have established what I call a dance or a pattern that has become very predictable. If I asked you right now what you could do to that your spouse wouldn’t like, you would immediately know the answer. Right?

Again, I want to remind you that fixing your marriage is possible even if you are the only one willing to go for help. I have witnessed many times that when one person changes their dance or ways of interacting, the other spouse almost is forced to change the way they interact as well. Suddenly, they can’t use the same old ways of responding because they make no sense.

how to fix a broken marriage

Here’s are some hands-on tools on how to fix a broken marriage now!

There is a phone app called Relationship-Help by Dr. Gary Brainerd.

Also when you use your favorite search engine, you will find The 5 Love Language quiz or checklist.

A couple things that I appreciate about the phone app is that he gives many ideas on ways to demonstrate your caring for one another in ways that make you each feel more loved and appreciated.

For example, if you don’t already know about using the Love Languages, you will find them by using your favorite search engine. Some of you appreciate physical touch, maybe you prefer words of affirmation, you might feel loved by acts of service, or by gifts and finally by spending quality time together.

Many times when you believe you are loving, your mate may not be feeling it. Many times you will use the love language you would like to receive. Likely, however, your mate may have a different love language. So my best marriage advice is that you hurry to take the online Love Language checklist to learn about your own Love Language.

This is one great way for the two of you to begin your happy marriage again. Fixing your marriage can actually begin to be fun for you both. Make a game out of guessing one another’s Love Languages. The theory is that you have a primary and a secondary Love Language. It seems to me that you often have a little bit of all of them, but are especially responsive to those top one or two.


Reconnect with each other throughout the day in your marriage.

Dr. Gary Brainerd recommends that couples make it a goal to connect four times daily. Those times are in the morning when you first wake up; when you leave one another for the day; when you return from your day; when you go to bed.

The working couples I know are not always able to do the four times but are able to do at least two of those times daily. If it is doesn’t work well to always do it as often, you can supplement it with unexpected loving texts or notes or a surprise phone call or voice mail. Check out the phone app for more ideas. Spending quality time is really important here.


Please do not give up hope if your spouse is unwilling to go for help.

I want to help bust the myth that both people have to go for help to improve their marriage. So many couples believe that myth and think it is hopeless if they don’t both go to share with a relationship specialist.

Again, I want to remind you that fixing your marriage is possible even if you are the only one willing to go for help. I have witnessed many times that when one person changes their dance or ways of interacting, the other spouse almost is forced to change the way they interact as well. Suddenly, they can’t use the same old ways of responding because they make no sense.

Find a way to open up communication with your spouse.

This can be difficult if your marriage has been suffering from a lack of communication or there are some hurt feelings between you and your spouse. Perhaps there have been some huge fights where you both have said and done things that were devastating along with the silent treatments as well. My marriage advice is that you can be successful in saving your marriage if you will actually follow some of the marriage tips contained in this extensive article.

You might benefit from agreeing to meet in a neutral place and tell them you would like to make things right. It could be that agreeing not to bring up some hot topics which would likely lead to a really ugly fight would be a good way to get started on saving your marriage. Give yourselves some time to work out your strong negative feelings.

It is so important that each of you individually takes time to make an honest evaluation of your own part in the marriage problems. This way you are more likely to come up with some possible solutions to deal with those issues so you can have a happy marriage again.

Sometimes couples just need to agree to a Code Word to use when things are not going in a positive direction. One of you is likely to be more tuned into that starting to happen than the other.

Additionally, remember the Blame Game never works so why is it so easy to fall into using it? Even when you know that it is very easy to fall into that trap with statements like I would never have done that or said that if you didn’t do whatever! 

Statements like the above are just another way of blaming and not accepting personal responsibility for your own part of the problem. Normally, you each have a part of it.

The code word idea should be a funny word or a good memory word that makes you smile. Pick a band you both loved in the past that brings back good memories or a cartoon or fairytale character.

By taking a timeout and setting another time to talk you can calm things down and not do further damage to your already troubled marriage.

Research is showing that when you as a couple begin to actually listen to each other and respond kindly, pleasantly and consistently, it deepens your connection and attraction toward one another. Showing concern for one another will make a difference in fixing your marriage.

Many of the couples I see who are in a very dark place in their marriage have hardened their hearts toward one another and are no longer treating their spouse as well as they would treat a stranger, customer or co-worker.

Often that is how emotional affairs begin. Just having anyone actually take the time to deeply listen feels really wonderful and caring. So please do think about your own part of this situation. Are you fun to live with?

Check out personal issues that may be impacting your marriage too.

If there are serious personal problems that are leading to the marriage becoming difficult they must be addressed instead of being ignored because they don’t go away by themselves.

I’m referring to psychological or emotional problems, addictions such as substances, spending, porn, affairs or abuses of any kind. Fixing your broken marriage and marriage counseling go hand in hand.

Check out your issues as a couple

Every couple has issues. Make an effort to sit down with your spouse and identify what these issues are. If possible, look for the deeper issues that might not be obvious at first and ask yourself how these issues could be resolved.

The goal, of course, is to build a marriage where both spouses can be happy, fulfilled and satisfied. It is important that the relationship meets the needs of both spouses. Marriages usually fail because the relationship does not meet the needs of one spouse or both spouses.

Commit To Doing Things Differently in Marriage

Now that you know how to repair a broken marriage, it is time to take action. You and your spouse need to commit to making some changes. Look for specific things you can do on a daily basis to slowly build the relationship that will make you and your spouse more fulfilled and your marriage more enjoyable.

If your spouse does not seem willing to work on things, show them that you are fully committed and start making some changes on your side to become a better spouse. Remember your vows, get some help from a marriage expert today!


Do Whatever It Takes

Saving your marriage is not going to be easy. It’s important that you are prepared to put your marriage first and to do whatever it takes to save the marriage. You will have to make compromises and put time and effort into the relationship in order to have a happy marriage again.

Make sure you get some alone time to recharge and don’t hesitate to reach out to friends and relatives for support. Just be certain that you do not share intimate details with those outside your marriage.  If you do, often others take sides and get into your personal business where they do not belong. That can hinder you from being able to save the marriage due to interfering outsiders.

You can avoid getting a divorce if you take action and make some changes to your marriage. These tips will help you get started but you should consider getting help from a marriage specialist also if you are unable to work through things alone.

When your marriage has deteriorated so badly, it is usually much faster and more effective to have a marriage specialist help you. They are able to see your situation more clearly than you are able to due to the pain and bad history.

When problems have become very serious, often it is extremely difficult to work things out without an outside perspective. So I am encouraging you to find a marriage friendly counselor, coach or therapist, with a great success record.

They will give you some totally different perspectives and ideas on how to repair and rebuild your marriage.

As you see, I also offer some various options for helping you with fixing your marriage that you can join from the comfort of your own home.

Why not check out the Free 1 Minute Relationship/Marriage Quiz at my website: